It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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