Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
