She said her name was "party"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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