Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you

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(856): View more from New Jersey

i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i have a food baby... i think its a boy...

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(972): View more from Texas

You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check

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(218): View more from Minnesota

You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?

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