I'm gonna have a badass scar
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
