he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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