yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
