I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
