Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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