matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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