Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can tuck mytits in my pants
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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