nut hugger
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
