Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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