Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
