The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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