I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I deserve this hangover.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
