I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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