Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Its about making memories worth repressing
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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