so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
