i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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