You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
