And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
