I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
