you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
