im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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