never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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