the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
