my being single is dangerous.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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