you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
