Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
We had to coat check the pizza.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
