i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I believe in your delicious
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
