I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Randomize
