i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
