i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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