this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's never too late to be topless.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
