Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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