Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i already hear my dad disowning me
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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