so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Randomize
