This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
