Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
