coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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