I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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