You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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