I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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