u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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