We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
50% drunk capacity currently
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
