At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
