Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
