remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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