just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
