haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
