allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
